Bittersweet
by Checkered Candles
Summary: "You failed." In that one moment, everything froze. Everything turned white. Everything seemed like it would shatter. Everything. Including me.
1. Utau: My New Obsession

**Alright, so this is just a short story I wrote a while ago, not really a fan fic much, but you can pretend it is from now on! :D **

_**UPDATE (YOU HAVE TO READ THIS BEFORE STARTING THIS FIC OR ELSE YOU'll BE SOMEWHAT CONFUSED!): I've decided to make this story a collection of several one-shot/two-shots from different characters! THEY DO NOT MEET, FYI! Just saying to those confused like "wtf? I thought this story was about Utau? Why does it suddenly change to Rima then Yaya?" This story is a collection of "bittersweet" or just plain twisted and sad, you could say xD, life event things. like depression. and cutting. and yea, all that sad stuff. **_

It's funny, you know, how I never planned for this to happen. Then again, fate really likes to screw things up, the little demon. I was never interested in boys before. Then, one day, I was. No, not just interested, obsessed. My fingers sifted through the mop of dark hair, now connected to a lifeless body. "It's a shame, Roy, it really is," I murmured. "but you just weren't good enough."

I never asked for this talent, either. This talent to seduce and destroy. However, like I said, fate _really _likes to screw things up. I was a singer, working at local bars and coffee houses. My voice was like a diamond in the rough and I guess you could say I was the rough. When I realized how much I wanted these men, I knew exactly how to get what I desired.

During my job, I'd lock my eyes with his. Stare and give a small smile while entrancing him with my voice. Give small hints with my body. Afterwards, he would come running. Always. We would introduce ourselves, chat, and I'd start the game. After a while, he'd be approaching the finish line and I'd get excited. Yet, there was always an obstacle, a test, right before the prize. One after another, they never passed, and I'd have to take care of things with my own hands. I remember the first time I eliminated someone from the game like it was just yesterday.

_"Hey, Brian, wanna hang out at my place later? It'll be fun!" I smiled sweetly, and he fell for it. I lead him to my room, and we turned off the lights. He thought I wanted to play. I wanted to scoff at his stupidity. Scream at him for not passing that final test. Because he failed, I'd have to execute the consequences. One quick stab was all it took. One beautiful, sickening, bittersweet stab and my bedsheets acquired a new color._

I remember how I didn't even hesitate.

They were all so stupid. All they had to do was really love me back. All they ever had to do was grow genuine feelings, but no. It was always only for the voice. Only. Stupid, stupid, stupid! Was it really that hard to love me truly? Was I so twisted personality-wise that people only even talk to me because I can sing? Even though I captured them with my voice in the beginning, I always believed we could-no-that we would progress later on. Stupid..._stupid_! Because of them, I kept going. Because of all of them, I couldn't stop. I lost the ability to stop my hands from closing around and tightening against the small pitiful form of life, I couldn't stop it from happening anymore. And I moved on to a different obsession. Not boys. Not love.

That night, I wrapped up the body with plastic and stuffed it into a garbage bag. Tossing it in my trunk, I drove to a lake, my favorite one, the one that held all my victims in a deep slumber. I was emotionless at first, eyeing the plastic bag in my car. I brought a hand to my face and suddenly felt my lips twitching into a grin. A messed up one, most likely, suiting a messed up girl like me. I gave a small laugh. Yes, I was messed up.

My new obsession. To _kill._

**I'll admit it. That was pretty twisted, but hey, just pretend Utau got that losing mind disease thing ^^ **_  
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**btw, this is supposed to be a oneshot, but i can make it a collection of one-two shots if you like. tell me if that would be a good idea pleas! Advice, suggestions, criticism, ALL APPRECIATED! THANKS! please no flamers/haters who just say "this sucks like dick" etc without any words on how to make it not suck like dick. ^^ mmk, ja neeeee~**


	2. Rima: I was alone

**Alright! So I made up my mind, and I decided to keep this fanfic with one-two shots/short stories with the same sad depressing theme ^^**

** Another short story I wrote a while back during the summer :) Hope you enjoy! This one is also pretty messed up :P**

Black. Darkness. Perhaps too dark. The shadows from hell surrounding me snickered and danced hideously around me, wishing me misfortune through silent messages that only I was, sadly, able to hear. Here I was, in the corner of my room with hands gripping the sides of my head. Alone. A picture of a pink and white diamond checkered egg popped into my mind. She always made me laugh, I remembered. "Funny face!" She'd say, and I would laugh. I gave a bitter smile as bitter memories, bitter emotions, bitter everything swarmed by.

_You're hopeless, you know that?_A shadow sneered at me. Another continued for the first.

_You'll never live up to their expectations. You don't even live up to your own expectations. You're too arrogant, and a crybaby, too. Of course, if you look deep, deep down, you'll realize you've always known that._The mocking tone rang through my ears as they threw fake pity towards me before starting a new wave of insults.

_You don't even have friends anymore. You're always too busy failing._Cackles were echoing through my mind, each laugh sending a stab of ache through my heart.

I tried to breathe calmly. I told myself they were wrong; I had friends, I worked hard, I knew what success was. The voices playing with my mind laughed again._Liar,_ they hissed, clearly enjoying the moment. _I was alone._That very thought made me squeeze my eyes shut.

Where was Amu? My best friend? She was always there for me. Why did she leave when I needed her most? Honestly, though? I knew the answer.

_She was too good for you, honey. Stop fretting over things that are way out of your league. She never left you, you ditched her first so you could be little Miss. (fake, by the way,) Perfect._One of the voices jeered. The sadists. That stab was emphasized, and sent a rush of salty tears threatening to cascade downwards into a waterfall. A waterfall of pain.

I only wanted to impress my parents, myself, impress everyone, make everyone proud, but the stress was far more than a weakling like me could handle. I took the depression pills, brought out the scissors to cut myself and let the pain fill in the gaps I'd formed in myself. I had fallen. No, I _was _falling. Every drop led to a new cliff edge.

Everybody left me._ Are you sure?_ _Are you sure that it was everyone who left you, Rima? _Another voice questioned followed with a chuckle. It was right, too. It was me who left everyone. _I was alone._

_Sometimes, you should just accept the truth. Denying will only bring on more pain. You don't want that, right?_ One of the voices whispered gently, almost kindly, then paused. I held my breath, my desperation already conjuring up the soothing words that I wanted to hear.

_...On the other hand, the others and I would love that! Keep lying to yourself, we wish you a merry misfortune. _It crowed happily, continuing. It joined in with a chorus of laughter started by the others. Why? I heard so much laughter yet none of them brought any happiness. The fantasy of consolation crumbled.

I became the psychopath who had mysterious unknown voices no else believed in coursing through my mind. Of course, I probably created the voices through my stages of madness and depression. However, in a way, I felt that they were the only ones guaranteed to stay with me and I liked that. Why? Because I was weak and was afraid of being alone. I'd still have some form of company while isolating myself from others, even if the voices were insulting my every thought and action. They'd haunt me, but I was fine with that. Or at least, I would survive, and I was tired of changing. I was scared. I tried changing before, and this is what I'd become.

**How was this one? In my opinion, I liked it and thought it was compatible with Rima, but I liked my Utau one a bit better lol. Well, like I said, review and tell me you opinion! Advice and constructive criticism is appreciated! Just no plain out insults without any help on making my stories better, ex: My "this sucks like dick" example from before xD lol I love you all~ Thanks for the 4 reviews from my first chapter, and the follows! It means a lot to me! If you have any suggestions as well, OC's, ideas, ANYTHING, I'd love to hear them. I can't guaranty I'll use all your suggestions, but I'll certainly sleep on them, especially the ones I like a lot~! LOLLY-CHAN=OUT!**


	3. Yaya: Flawed

**Well, this is the story of Yaya. A bullimic teenage girl. It's also a Merry Christmas story! Although the story itself isn't very merry...but uh...hehe. Btw I am terribly sorry if I don't update for a bit since I've come down with a terrible fever. or something else, I haven't been to the doc so I don't exactly know. It sucks because I got it on Saturday, all of a sudden. And school ended (as in break started) on Friday. So I get to spend break as a pile of shit. Ugh. Sorry!**

Candy. Cakes. Ribbons. Balloons. The revolting cheerful decorations were arranged everywhere, as if they were meant solely to provoke me.

Lights. Laughter. Stars. Ornaments. The more I saw, the more I wanted to run away.

Santas. Snow. Trees. Wreaths. The irritation slowly subsided, and I felt something wet run down my cheek. I slowly raised my hand to wipe it off, but as soon as the first tear was gone, it was replaced by another, then another. And then, another.

"Are you okay, young lady?" A gentle smile appeared before me, and the old man's sparkling happy eyes seemed to me just like another string of street lights. I looked at him, nodded, and gave a plastic smile back. My eyes were empty, dark voids. However, everyone was too optimistic to let something like me deter them from laughing and having a good time. Why? How? Why were they so happy? How could they keep laughing like that?

"Well, okay then! Have a merry Christmas!" I tilted my head, still holding onto that plastic smile, and waved my hand. When the old geezer left, I slumped downwards, and let the corners of my lips twitch downwards. Merry Christmas...what a hypocrite those words meant. Nothing was so merry about Christmas. In fact, nothing was so merry about life itself. You only face despair, anger, hurt, pain, betrayal. Indeed, nothing merry at all.

"Miss! Young miss! Would you like some cotton candy?" A lady waved at me from a stand. I shook my head slowly, remembering how a couple years ago I would've glomped her with gratefulness and gulped it down. "Oh don't feel like you have to hold back! Here, eat it!" She grabbed my arm and placed it in my hand, smiling and giving me an eager, expecting, look. I stood there, stuck, and slowly gave a tiny nibble. Disgusting. It was too sweet, sugary, the texture just...Ugh! However, the lady was watching so I took a huge bite followed by another, again put that plastic smile on, and muttered a not too grateful "Thanks."

I needed to get home. I speed walked down the street, looking downwards so everybody would leave me alone. Don't talk to me, don't talk to me, I thought. "Hello miss! Candy Cane?" "Merry Christmas!" "Would you like some cake? On the house!" I tried to dodge through all these cheerful shouts. However, my attempts were futile and I ended up eating cake, a candy cane, and more while mustering up the strength to smile. Cake. Candy canes. Merry. Christmas. I wanted to scream for them all to shut up and go away. As I reached my apartment building, I bent over, hands on my knees, sighing in relief. Bathroom, had to go to the bathroom. I ran up the stairs, passing the first, second, third floor. Through the doors I heard great big shouts of laughter and glasses clinking. Toasts, and squealing of children rang through my ears. Gross, just shut up, I thought.

When I reached my door, I quickly slammed in the key and ran inside. Shoving open the bathroom door, I kneeled in front of the toilet, and positioned my head above it. Gingerly, I stuck my finger down my throat, and felt myself gag. Throw it up, throw up all that shit. You don't need that cotton candy or cake in your system, you're ugly and fat enough.

After I flushed the toilet, I glanced at myself in the mirror. Ew. Flaws, flaws, everywhere. That extra unneeded fat, those thin traces of acne, the brows, the hair, the eyes, the lashes, the _face, _the stomach, the breasts, the legs, the _body_. Flaws. I glared, as tears welled up in my eyes, at my reflection. It glared back at me.

My phone rang. I gave one last look of disgust at the mirror, then proceeded to my purse and picked it up. "Hello?" I asked in a tired voice.

"Yaya, it's Kukai!" I brightened. My big bro, my crush, the one who was always there for me. The one who was dating someone else. Because I was too ugly for him. My brightness toned down again.

"Hey...what's up?"

"What do you mean? Merry Christmas, Yaya!" I sniffled. Again, those words. Little did he know what this day meant to me. "Isn't it awesome? It's the day me and Utau started dating!" Haha, yea, happy anniversary. Tears streamed downwards, slowly, again.

"Real nice. I remember. M-merry...Chr-...Bye." I hung up. My stomach felt twisted. I looked at the bathroom door again. I walked back in and kneeled again before the toilet. I felt like there was still some cake in my stomach. After I was done, again, I glanced at the mirror, again. Flaws. Bitter flaws.

**So uh what do you think? I thought it was a little harder for Yaya since she's just so...Yaya :P If you guys think of any suggestions of depressing things for other characters, please spill :D Actually, any suggestions whatsoever would be oh so ever appreciated! Review please! **


	4. Nagi: Played With A Smile

**Why hello! God I was so mad, because while i was writing this, i took a shower and when i came back my mom deleted it by going on yahoo :O and i, being the genius i am, didnt save it beforehand so HAKHFLKASBF i had to rewrite it. hehe, well this is Nagi's Bittersweet story. it's a little different (the way i wrote it that is) cuz he's a guy...idk, maybe i just accidentally wrote it like this. its definitely not as sad and dark but..^^; well enjoy!...and this is like the longest chapter so far xD hmm maybe ill delete the top and bottom part. but i wanna see if you guys get it/like it first. **

Why bienvenue, ma cherie. You already know everything about me, but due to my fear of you forgetting, guess I'll refresh your memory. I am Fujisaki Nagihiko, but you can just call me Nagi. Not girly-boy, not purple-head, and _not _cross dresser. I'm a prodigy at dancing. Well, at traditional Japanese dancing. Also, I have to cross dress and be a girl while doing it. I like girls, I really do. I adore them. They can range from cute to bubbly to sexy to feisty. However, me, Nagi, _be_ a girl? I think not. It simply is an outrage, and the idea makes my blood boil. Actually, the idea had made me drink, take drugs, and much much more. Oh, look at that. It's time for me to go become a gorgeously elegant dancer. I must say, I'm so sorry, ma cherie.

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"Fujisaki Nagihiko! That was the most dreadful practice I've seen, coming from you! You do know how important this performance is, don't you? You have to show them how magnificent you can be! You even studied abroad in Europe!" My mother scolded. I blinked. The lights were too bright. Instead, I focused my attention to the paper fan covered with sakura in my hand.

"Ah, so sorry, dear mother." I sent her a sweet smile. She couldn't resist, and finally returned it. Well, my smiles were just too charming. Everyone said so.

"It's fine, dear. Perhaps you should rest now. Why don't you go back to your apartment?" The waving gesture came, which signaled dismissal. I bowed, and keeping my back straight, stepped delicately out the doorway. When out of sight, I groaned and hurried outside, not bothering to change back into male clothing. I just kept my mind on the thought of getting to my ticket to freedom: my car.

Jamming the keys in and plopping into the driver's seat, I moaned. Finally getting my act together, I started the engine and started driving. I stepped hard on the pedal, knowing I would speed. Who cares? No police would dare to stop the son of the Fujisaki family. I gave a chuckle, thinking this. Or in this case, the Fujisaki daughter, who everyone was even more aware of. Reaching my apartment complex, I slammed the car door closed and jogged up the stairs, hiking up my dress.

Goodness frikin gracious, it seems I'm finally home. I tore off the dress and threw aside the wig. Inspecting myself in the mirror, I parted my side swept bangs. Thinking for a moment, I decided to comb my choppy, short hair. I gave myself a closer glance in the mirror and smiled. The smile slowly turned into a smirk. I was irresistible. I was sexy. So why the hell should I have to live as a girl? That's why I cut my long, flowing, violet locks. Yes, mother, I dared to cut my long, flowing locks. Oh, if only my dear mother was here right now. What intense rage I'd be smacked in the face with! Bitch. She doesn't even know a single thing about me, her own son!

She didn't know that when she wasn't watching, I went wild. That I partied, drank, gambled, had sex. In fact, I had sex a lot. Hah, don't think so badly of me. It wasn't my fault, I was just so irresistible. My eyes captured all surrounding me. My voice was a magnet, it tugged the women towards me until they couldn't pull away even if they tried. Then, there was my smile. Oh, my smile. My smile melted everyone's hearts into puddles; it shone with a charm that made you not want to look away. My smile was just perfect. Yes, I was just so irresistible. And I didn't mind. I didn't mind in the slightest. It made me feel happy, free. Powerful, even! So I did it with all of them. Of course, it didn't fill up that cavity in my heart that kept growing due to my frustration, but it did help. Don't get me wrong, I was gentle with the ladies, don't worry! Especially with the sweet, lovely virgins. I reassured them with a simple smile and that was that, they were comfortable. Before I realized it, I had let out a laugh that echoed off the walls and rang there in my empty apartment. Slowly, the more I heard it, the more it seemed more like a cackle. So was I a witch now?

Humans are so gullible. This world itself is so gullible. "Oh Nagi, you scored first on the exams again! You're so smart!" "Oh Nagi, leading our basketball team to victory in the tournament, you're so amazing!" "Oh Nagi, you're so sweet, like a gentleman! I've never seen you mad!" What a joke! Not a single one of those fools could tell they were just being played. Why was everyone so gullible? So easy to fool? Oh, don't worry, I'm not an exception. I let my parents fool me into being a girl for so long. I didn't mind it a bit at first, I'll admit it. However, it started holding me back, pulling me down, becoming a burden. Then, when other people starting discovering my secret feminine side, oh the pain I had to endure! It was really a pain in the ass to keep smiling through all that, hence why my smiles are so perfect now with barely any effort.

Smile.

Smile.

Smile.

Oh, what a joke! What a _joke_! Even my smiles aren't real! Even my smiles are just a tool used to fool everybody! Smiling is just the action of moving my lip muscles upwards. Yet, every single person believes them! They love them! What a joke. I'm a bad person, aren't I? Aren't I, Rima? Hm, wait, you can't answer, because I killed you. I killed you, I _killed_ you! I let those guys take you, since I felt certain at that time that maintaining the Nadeshiko image was more important. (You had always said Nade was better than Nagi, in case you forgot why I was even Nadeshiko with you back then. Hah, was my male side that pitiful?) I didn't think they were going to hurt you so much like that, I really didn't! I just wanted to maintain my feminine side to keep my parents proud! Oh, that really is such a pathetic excuse, isn't it? Are you laughing right now, Rima? Of course you are, you always loved to laugh at me. Alright, I'll laugh with you this time. We'll laugh together about how much of a douche bag I've become. I let out another laugh that echoed once again off the walls of my lonely apartment. This time, it wasn't a cackle like laugh. It sounded bitter. My fingers flew to my cheek as I felt a thin stream of liquid crawl downwards. I found myself staring in the mirror, staring at the bittersweet smile that had formed on my lips. It was still charming.

That night when I went out to the club, I banged a lot of girls. In fact, it was like a whole line. Each time became just another filling attempt to heal my cavity. But it kept getting bigger, and you couldn't heal a forever growing hole. I really am a bad person, huh, Rima? Such a bad, bad person.

* * *

Ah, ma cherie. If you were here I would offer you a marvelous time with me for the night *chuckle*, but I'm sure it'd just earn me a slap. So I'll smile. I'll just plaster up this fake, charming smile for you. Until I finally receive the punishment I deserve, I will keep smiling for you. I'm so sorry for what I've done to you. I know, I'm a bad person. A terrible one. You don't have to repeat it. You just keep scoffing and laughing at me from up there while I carry out my pathetic life down here. Do you remember that parfait we shared that one time? You were so special...oh what a joke. What...a...joke.

**Hmm, well the ending and beginning, im not positive it went the way i expected xD if it didnt work for you and just confused you, please tell me so i can delete it. hehe, nagi's was also hard. It was harder than yaya, anyhow. Now it feels like Yaya was an easier chapter to write. Maybe because her personality is so obvious? i'm not too positive on what Nagi's personality is. gentle, understanding, gentleman, wants to be a guy, frustrated with being a girl, that part is obvious. but it wasn't really enough ^^; hehe well I hope you enjoyed it! it wasn't as depressing, but i felt that there was still a lot of emotion in it. it was more...twisted i guess than sad and dark and stuff :P well review and tell me any suggestions, advice, critique, and whether or not this chapter actually worked for you ^^ because i was a little hesitant on Nagi's. heh...its just so OOC while being in character at the same time, and just, yea, you know. just review and tell me xD  
**

**~Lolly-chaaaannnnn OUT!**


	5. Kukai: I Was Running

**Ahhhhh I am so so so sorry for the long wait! I'm a huge procrastinator and is terribly irresponsible, and piled up homework+sports make it that much easier. :( Then, I had frikin writer's block. I was going to do ikuto's, but couldnt figure out how to portray him since we already know his sad story. Of course, Prisoner of Readers (check her [im guessing her, if not, sorry ;^;] out!) helped out tons and motivated me to write and finish this chapter. Thank you! And I am so sorry if anyone wants to kill me. I promise, you can rant and complain to me through PM if you want! :D**

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I'm running.

I'm running.

I'm running...

But to where? Where am I running to? I could feel my legs pumping, my sweat dripping, my breath quickening, but I couldn't see a thing. The world was so black...it was like a dark death void.

Suddenly, the scene flashed with light and I could see everything. The crowd cheering, the flags waving, the ball inside the goal nestling on the net, and people with the same clothes as me running towards me with their arms in the air.

"And Kukai Souma, number 13, has scored for Japan! If they can keep France at bay for the last 20 minutes, they will advance to the semifinals!" A loud voice boomed from a speaker. A huge impact took the breath out of me, and I found myself being hugged and slapped on the back by my teammates. I plastered on a smile; After all, I should be happy right? Right? It was the Olympics, we were winning. This was my dream.

However, I never wanted my dream to come before me like this.

The world turned dark again, and that brief moment of realization made me want to vomit, and then kill myself. I was a cheater, a fake. An imposter. All those fan supporting me...should just stop. Should just toss those flags and signs away. There was till a lingering stinging sensation on my arm, the remembrance of 3 days ago.

"Kukai-kun, I'm so excited for Japan to finally have a lead in soccer!" I had my goofy grin on at that time, wiping my sweat away with a towel.

"Me too, Sir!" And then it all happened. The voice that had given me a golden opportunity turned rough and cold. The arm of the person who had given me a golden opportunity reached out, holding a syringe. The coaxing, the persuasion, it all made me stare at that now frightening man in horror. Speed, he said. You need more power, strength, muscle. We have to ensure our victory. And so he stabbed it in me and pressed until all of the liquid got injected in me. I couldn't scream, couldn't shout. It was neither painful or illogical at the time. It was just...wrong.

"And if Japan doesn't get the first goal and leads...your teammates will have to get this medical treatment as well. This year is going to be Japan. Got it?"

It was all so quick, I don't even remember having the chance to struggle. Why? Why did he have to resort to such means? I didn't want this, I never wanted this. I hated it and despised it with all my heart. It wasn't in my dorky nature to be fooling everyone, my friends, Utau, my brothers... It wasn't moral. I just can't...I just don't...

_"...your teammates will have to get this medical treatment as well..."_ I could feel my eyes stinging as tears were trying to prevent themselves from escaping. Shaking my head, I slapped my cheeks as if to wake m up.

Focus. Win. I cleared my head of the distracting thoughts. Of the regretful thoughts. Of the painful thoughts.

So I was a cheater. Then I have to stop moping and act like a cheater. A cheater can't suddenly turn fair, but the other way around can be easily possible. I can't let my teammates go through the same thing as I did. I used this thought to try to get me fired up. However, the world was still dark. Dribble, dribble, dribble. Fake the defender out, accelerate. Cross it in, cross it in, I commanded each step. I watched grimly as the ball soared from the corner to across the field, into the box. Shoot it ! Shoot it, god damn it! I shouted from my mind. And he did. My teammate did shoot it. However, I saw everything; The slight twist of the foot, the way he leaned backwards as he shot. It was a wild shot, and it was going out. The rest of the team slapped him on the back and gave him words of encouragement, but I merely said "don't miss it next time," and walked away as a confused pair of eyes trailed me.

As a French player sent the goal kick flying across midfield, I sprinted back to help. "Here, here! You got me! Through! PASS IT THROUGH!" I screamed, but my teammate just seemed to panic even more until the ball got stolen from him. "Damn," I cursed under my breath, jogging to an open space. I couldn't exactly go play defense, but staying here waiting made me want to tear my head off. "Get it out of there!" I yelled down to the defense line. However, France's star player faked out the sweeper, the last defensive resort, with a series of step overs and scissors before booming it into the far corner of the goal. The whistle blew. Are they kidding? Did they seriously just let them score?

"Come ON guys! What are you doing? We're here to win, got it? Get your head in the game!" I shouted, frustrated. However, the tone came out more angry, causing some teammates to look up at me.

"Kukai, it's okay. We'll get them back." Fuyuki patted my back, but I shrugged him off.

"Words only mean so much. We have to win, got it? I won't forgive any mistakes!" I glared. "You don't know the consequences of losing." Fuyuki backed off, surprised. However, apologies were the last thing on my mind at the moment. My team didn't understand! I was doing this for them! I was doing this for them!

That game, we won. Narrowly. I screamed at my teammates whenever they made a bad pass, pushed them if they missed a shot, and scared them all into putting on the perfect performance. The manager gave me a knowing smile, and the look in his eyes were mocking. He knew what I had done, and he found it amusing. Me, blowing up on everyone. Me, the happy go lucky captain threatening all my teammates if they screwed up. I looked away, as if slapped. Later on that night, Utau noticed I seemed off. I blew up on her, too. She ran off. It was like the world was crashing down on me. Why? Why me? I looked at my arm, and I could almost feel the freshly injected drug running through my veins. I wanted to dig it out, but...My life was a joke. Had it always been one? Probably, God probably just made me his toy, so he could use me for his amusement. Anger filled me, anger for that damned manager, the cursed Olympics, those clueless idiots that were the rest of my team... I rested my forehead into my hand for a second, before letting loose a violent scream and punching the wall. I punch it again and again, then slammed it repeatedly until my fists were raw and bleeding.

The next day, I was running. I was running fast. I could hear faint cheering in the background. I kept running. However, where was I running? I couldn't see a thing.

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**Well, I hope the wait was worth it. if it wasn't, I invite you to trash this chapter. Ahhhhhhh i feel so bad :( well, suggestions and reviews would be nice...some advice on writing...grammer etc too...thanks for reading and still giving me a chance! :*) I love you all.**


	6. Amu and Ikuto: Can't Even Breathe

**Argh, I know it's late, but I promised to update this week and I really didn't want to let anyone down so I finally got off my bum and worked for once. Even if it is at nighttimeits figured it was better than updating next week :) this chapter is somewhat different, focusing on two characters. If you read carefully, you'll notice their screwed up back stories. But that's not the main point in here. It was pretty hard, because there's so many twiste couple relationships. But I didnt want something like a player or a plain "u broke my heart I kill you" story so this took a while. It actually got inspired by a song, so it's half songfic except its been independenated a lot xD like, a LOT LOT. Only some quotes are from the song. If you recognize the song, tell me so I can hug you and give you an earth sized cookie ^^**

The girl's hair was pink. It was strange, even stranger than my midnight blue hair, but it was real. Her head was a soft pale rose, sort of like those butterflies fluttering about in cartoons.

The girl's eyes were golden. They looked pure, much more innocent than my tainted violet ones. Such a rich, warm, gold that looked almost amber, kind of like the glistening honey that Pooh bear was always chasing after.

...However, I gave as much of a shit about her as I did for my good as nothing father.

"I love you!" I stared at the sophomore below me. Her eyes were shining, her face clearly showing her eagerness for a reply. I almost curled my lip in disgust. Love me? Go to hell, you liar. Love wasn't happy or pure, hence, it's no existence in this world. This "love" that people claim to have is the source of half the deaths in this damned world. It's the very definition of hell itself. Love me, you say? Don't make me laugh.

However, I merely gave her a nod and muttered "That's nice." I wasn't being cruel. If anything, she was the cruel one. Lying right up to my face, just like he did. Like I said, love was merely a fairy tail, sugarcoated by the lies of reality to hide it's true personality. What a ridiculous joke. There was no such thing as true love. Only stupidity and lust. With a blank expression, I stared at the girl as her eyes got wide. Shocked? I almost laughed. Actually, I did. I did laugh, a long low chuckle which caused me to close my eyes at the end of it. However, when I opened them again, they were greeted by a vicious sight.

The pinkette's eyes were no longer shining, nor wide with shock or anticipation. Her innocence seemed to have flickered away as her bangs covered her eyes and her mouth twisted into a grotesque smile. "I see. Well, Ikuto, one day you're going to fall for me. I'm the only one for you to love, you know. You're going to fall so hard you won't even be able to breathe." I raised an eyebrow and gave her a cold sneer.

"Good luck with that."

* * *

The idiot. The big foolish idiot. I giggled. He really didn't know anything about me, did he? How I watched him...snapped pictures...dreamt about him. You may call it obsession, or stalking, but I merely called it a different kind of love. He was too perfect, so don't blame me. Blame his utterly gorgeous figure that God must've taken a little extra time to sculpt.

The way he rejected me...it hurt but at the same time it made me beam. The way he said it...so perfect. Still, as beautiful as he was, it hurt. He didn't know how much courage it took to muster to express my feelings like that...to simply lay out the overflowing love I felt for him. I was terrified of change, terrified of doing anything that I was unfamiliar with or made me feel vulnerable. And when when I finally decided to stand up and face it... immediate put down.

I giggled. You just wait, Ikuto. I'll definitely make you fall so hard you won't be able to breath. At all. After all, it's not like you can break away from me.

I followed him again that afternoon, until he entered his home. Then, I simply watched him. My eyes wandered over the piece of perfection through the window. The piece of perfection i couldn't seperate myself from. This time, I decided to go and ring his door. To ask him out. He looked surprised and amused that I knew where he lived, but gave a blunt "no." I pouted, upset. However, I could wait. That was perfectly fine. Love wasn't something you could force...in one day at least.

The next day, it was "no" as well, and so was the next. And the next. I'd always reply to the rejection with a sweet sinister smile, occasionally trying to touch him, but that always resulted in a door slam. I didn't mind. I had lots of pictures of him at home, and I could stare and touch them whenever I wanted.

Finally, he seemed annoyed, ready to crack. It took a few tries but he finally opened the door with a somewhat pissed off expression, seeming tired of this game. "God damnit you freak if I say yes will you leave me the hell alone?" I replied with the usual smile. "You know this isn't love, right, there's no love at all. You should just let me go"

I smiled. "After tonight." I'll leave you alone after tonight Ikuto, because I'll finally make you unable to breathe. I'll make you and I together and inseperable because of my love.

"I don't believe in love, so give up." Well, I'm going to show you my love. I'll show you how I love you so much I just want to be with you forever...It was these thoughts that ran through my mind. Most people would gag at it, calling me twisted, but I didn't see it like that. Because love was never wrong. It was an angel, because it felt like an angel above sent me these pure feelings of bliss. The day I saw him, he saved me. I rose from my pathetic ashes and with a look he saved me. He didn't have to do anything except be in my sight. I could never really get enough, it was almost like a drug, but it was a good drug. It had honestly been the first major change I enjoyed.

"That's okay. We don't have to do anything special, just dinner at my house would be nice." I giggled. "I love you."

"Oh cut huge crap." He glared.

* * *

It was only supposed to be a dinner. A single damned dinner at her house because she wouldn't stop harassing me until I came. So how the hell did it turn out like this?!

"Are you mad? You've gone crazy!" I shouted, standing up quickly.

"Please don't say I've gone crazy, you just don't know love. That's all." She replied with sad eyes, as if hurt by my previous remark.

"Love? The hell that exists! Listen, I don't even believe in love but I know that what you have is an obsession. This isn't even close to that stupid fairy tail love people talk about!" Let me go. I have a life I want to live. It's been a while since I've experienced this, but I felt fear and desperation. I needed to get revenge and find people. I needed to survive, I needed to find my damned father and kill him, I needed to help my sister, I needed to-!

I was just standing there, unsure of what to do. Well, that's to be expected when a human comes across an unfamiliar situation. Especially one like this. I knew it. All those lovestruck fools were tainted by this venomous plague. Love really didn't exist. It only caused inconveniences and twisted situations like this one. In a way, I was a little sad to finally confirm that. Because despite my hatred and coldness I wanted to hear my stupid father say these 3 words when I'd find his sorry ass. I just kind of wanted to hear that bastard say that...oh but Ikuto, I suppose you brought this upon yourself. Cursing the idea of love, never believing in it, calling it the bane of life and the definition of hell itself... You must be psychic! Because now all of "love's" consequences are crashing down on you.

"Don't call it obsession. You just don't know my heart." She murmured. I barely heard her. When I finally glanced up, it felt like I was suffocating already. She smiled, and dropped the match. I gave the gasoline covered room a bitter glance before dropping my gaze to the ground.

* * *

"I did say you'd fall so hard you wouldn't even be able to breathe...And now we'll be together."

**so what do you think? Was it ok? It was certainly enjoyable to write, but undeniably difficult for me ^^; not sure if it was as emotionally intense as my single personned ones. tell me if you liked it so I know whether I should do more or not! By the way, I will be doing seperate amu and ikuto bitter sweets so don't worry about that :) suggestions and advice please! (btw, especially if theres any spelling mistakes. I hate those, and normally it's because I type these things on my iPad or itouch and auto correct is always such a butt.)**


	7. Ikuto: A Whole Damned World

**I'm back! Finally! Arghhhhhhh gomen gomen gomen gomen x100 to the power of googleplex or however that complex number's spelled ^^; i really didn't mean to be away for so long at all, i was just so busy and stressed out...i had all state auditions (which i happily made it in) and that took me away for quite some weeks, and now we have a LA project which I stupidly tried to overachieve on and picked game of thrones (yeah, the teacher actually let me xD) and now i wont finish in time because part of the project was to make a blog for each chapter and goddamnit if you've read that book you know how many chapters there are -.- well...here's the long awaited ikuto...and i don't own shugo chara...because if i did i dont think you'd enjoy how the characters would turn out (cough the other bittersweet stories xD)**

* * *

I gave the girl in front of me a loving glance, before plunging the knife in. I always did. After all, I cared for them all. It sucks for them to have to die, and I really can't say how sorry I am for causing them so much pain, but if they only knew my reason...

It's only to protect them. It's only ever to protect them. So many people see me as a villain, and the media have even labeled me the Black Cat of Misfortune. Which isn't entirely false, mind you, considering I always kill someone.

Still, it's only to protect them, from this hell of a world. Easter has taken my mother, my father, my sister, even my first love. And now they're all gone. Dead? Don't know. They're just gone. Thugs from the urban have raped my co-worker who actually understood me, beat up my only friend, and stripped everything away from the one man who acted as my guardian. How are they coping? Well, the co-worker's coping with a bastard child alone while struggling with money. My friend had to quite his career because his limbs were so badly damaged. That one guardian I had for a bit has disappeared, since he was homeless and jobless.

Told you, the world shows no mercy. If you ever wonder why I'm not religious, it's because I don't believe in going to heaven or hell when you die. We're all living in hell right now. Hah, no wonder people came up with the term "a living hell." How right they are.

It's because I don't want anyone I care about to go through any more of that crap that I'm doing this. It's because I don't want them to go through what I've gone through, what my family has gone through. The pain...the pain of a knife can't even be half as bad as continuing to endure the pain of reality. I try my best for them to die quickly, I even drug them so the pain will be somewhat numbed. Of course, it's difficult to numb the pain of a knife. I know.

I...I know I shouldn't be killing my loved ones, not that there's many of them in the first place. Easter has already ruined me. I just don't want any of them to be tortured by this place. I would say they should be thanking me for helping them out, but they wouldn't understand, would they? Most people in the world are so naive and close minded to the idea that life is beautiful, that it's special, and you only live once and should live to the fullest and be happy. Yet, how the hell is life beautiful? It's not. You're born a pink slug, half the people are abused sometime in their life whether it be by family, kidnapping, slavery, or rape, and then you have to give up half the things you enjoy just to survive in this money obsessed world. Oh yes, and then you get depressed, buy drugs, rot your body away, and die. Not many actually get the privilege of a peaceful death, do they? And have they ever thought of what happened after death? Course not, everyone's scared of it. They have a phobia of the unknown. They can't bear the thought of blackness forever, and it's not like science can bring back the dead yet so they can't ask any of the diseased. But even if they don't know what happens after death, how can they be so sure that life is better? Have they ever wondered why only (possibly not even) 15% of your life is actually happy and the rest is all pain and misery? Did they ever realize how right after a happy event occurs, some fucking screwed up situation takes place and just brings the sky crashing down onto your recently born smile? No, they don't. They don't. They carry on with their lives, crying then laughing, then crying again, never giving the process a second thought.

I could feel the familiar tears trickling down my face. Down my cold, cold, face. The face that has become known as the cousin of the Grim Reaper himself. It's pathetic, you know, how I have to resort to such means to help them out. It really is. It's pathetic, and despicable. And you know what makes it worse? Every time I say "sorry" and get ready for that final stab, they look at me. They look at me in disbelief, in shock, astonished, with fat tears tracing their cheekbones as they blubber out choked up words. They look at me as if I didn't even need to stab them, as if just the thought of what I've done and was about to do has already destroyed them. The images on their face can almost shatter me. I could've broken down so many times by now...but I didn't. I don't. I just murmur "sorry" again, and release them from this prison. It is sad, so, so sad, and I don't think anyone else would think of doing it. I can barely do it, but at least I'm doing it. It almost kills me, but I'm trying. They at least know I'm trying to help, right? I'm sacrificing my freedom by helping them to theirs. I can't say I'm proud of myself, but I feel almost somewhat strong to be able to go this far to help out my loved ones. I hope by now they know my true motive. I don't want them to think I hate them, or that I'm evil.

I glanced at the frozen face, frozen into a contorted expression. I cried silently, because I didn't deserve to cry out loud. Did I even deserve to cry? I hate it, I hate this, I hate the whole stupid world and I hate myself. It was when I seemed to finally realize all this that I found myself letting out small choking sobs. I was crying out loud. God damnit.

...

I used to think that I was the problem, that they were all getting hurt because of me and my ties with damned Easter. However, now I know the problem isn't me, it's the whole damned world.

* * *

**Um...so was it ok? ;^; gomen...it's kinda short, but *sigh* ikuto's was tricky because he already has such a sad backstory. I'm sorry if it isn't emotional enough, and i'm sorry again for not being able to update :( wahhhhhhhhhhh it's funny, because i'm in a half happy half sad mood...i just came back from a korean restaurant and had my first taste of what dukboki was (it's good ^^...and spicy xD)...so that made me happy but ehh...remembering how i just left y'all hanging here made me feel all assy again ^^; well...review and tell me what you think? and you can complain about my stupid ditching-ness and shout at my stupidity is you like... :D suggestions and advice: always helpful. Haters: not so much. love y'all and hope you have a beeeeautiful weekend :D**

**PS: I really must thank all of you who reviewed, especially Prisoner of Readers. :) you're so helpful and amazing and help bring me back from the dead and cheer me up a lot with what you type and golly have a lolly. :D **

**PPS: did ANYONE see that pun i did with the title? xD no? ok, ok...shuttin up now, bibi!**


	8. Kairi: Perfect

**New story! :D I'm back! This is Kairi's ^^ took a while...meh...I was trying to find a concept/meaning that didn't seem OOC...because everything else seemed all weird. But then I decided this one should do :D BTW, you should probably be expecting gaps between my update dates. I don't like it either, and I feel terrible making it this way, but yeah. Even if I try to make it all go faster, it'll probably still end up like this. Not having a computer for myself doesn't really help either, because I have to use my brother's and as soon as he get's home, he kicks me off. And I have double sports...so when I'm home he's normally home because it's late... sigh. But hey, that's what my trust itouch is for~!**

* * *

"You failed."

In that one moment, everything froze. Everything turned white. Everything seemed like it would shatter. Everything. Including me.

After that one moment, I found I could move. I felt a choking sensation in the back of my throat, and something wet touched my eyelashes. I noticed then that I was crying. Wiping off the tears silently with my arm, I stared at the letter. "We apologize," it said. Of course, there was more to the stupid letter of rejection, but just reading those two words stung. Oh, let me tell you, it stung real bad. I had never been told that I'd failed in my whole life. No, not because I was spoiled and rich. In fact, my family's financial standings were relatively average, if not a little on the poor side of society. It also wasn't because everyone was just plain nice to me. In reality, my social ranking was also pretty average; many people teased and bullied me, many people got along just fine with me.

No, it was because I was just simply perfect. I had no flaws whatsoever, and it took years to sculpt it out of me. I had no sins, none. No, I wasn't being "prideful" in claiming my perfection, because I worked hard to gain it. Actually, I also had many flaws, which only added in my perfection. I ate reasonable amounts of food each meal, and was quite a sensible person on the outside. I never unleashed my anger or frustration onto others, and never demanded unnecessary things. If I wished for something, I worked to get it. I didn't get jealous of others, because that would ruin my mental state. I wasn't power or money hungry, and I did very well academically.

So why wasn't I accepted?

Volunteering hours exceeded 200. SAT scores had less than 10 points to perfect. I had plenty of extra curricular activities such as kendo, chess, band, and even placed first in All-State every year. I've made apps for Apple, had an internship for Microsoft, and even wrote tons of website themes in codes. There wasn't any logical reason for me to not be accepted!

I'm sure plenty would call my disbelief right now immaturity, but it's not necessarily the rejection that got me this roused up. It's the fact that I tried so hard. So very, very hard. I put everything else behind me, everything else as second priority. I stomped out my feelings for my crush, I bid farewell to my friends, I only really talked about general things with my family just so I could have more time to focus and work hard. Didn't someone say "As long as you try your best you won't be disappointed?" Because right now, I must say I am very disappointed. Far beyond plain disappointment, actually. Is this how the world repays "trying your best?" Or perhaps it only chooses a few people to be successful and live their dream? Why? It's such a small thing I'm asking for, but fate simply refuses to grant it. Will it refuse to grant me everything else I'll ask for, too? I guess the world just works that way. Screwing up lives, crushing people's high expectations, teasing them like dogs with a bone and then just as they think they've got it, the damned world tosses it away. I'm sure God's having a good laugh right now.

All the adults just pat us on the head and tell us to "work hard." Easy for them to say. They've already gone through the ripe moments of life, already had their chance and taken it. What a joke, "work hard and you'll reach your goal." Pathetic. Plaguing minds with such nonsense. Perhaps I was too naive. No, I definitely must've been too naive. To believe if I did all that stuff, it would all work out. I became perfect, perfect! Even "perfect" can fail though.

I gluttoned that night. I went to the store and bought mountains of chips and Takis and M&M's and sandwiches and cheese and cookies and crackers and granola bars and Fanta. I bought everything. And I still felt it wasn't enough, eating away my regrets and laughing at my stupidity. I laughed again, after seeing what a sad sight it was for me, the class president and "perfect" student, to be binge eating.

* * *

**Mmmm? Did you like it? Did you? Did youuu? I didn't mean for the food stuff to be like Yaya's, but i mean, if you didn't get it i just meant for him to do one of the "7 deadly sins" since in the beginning he was all like "i never sin and am perfect" and yeah...I think you get it by now ^^; merp...and I'm really sorry this one's a little on the short side like the first one (Utau's)...and i really must say this must seem a lot less "bitter" following Ikuto's killing spree one...I'm sorry. but you can't see Kairi killing people really, can you? **


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